In this episode, Kristi explores a subtle but powerful communication habit most people don’t even realize they’re doing: the “dual monologue.” Drawing from real-life observations at a recent memorial service, she breaks down how conversations often become a back-and-forth exchange of personal stories—without true listening or connection.

She contrasts this with what real conversation actually requires: curiosity, follow-up questions, and genuine engagement. Then, she bridges this concept directly into the courtroom, showing how this same pattern can quietly undermine your effectiveness during voir dire. When jurors feel like they’re part of a real conversation—not just answering questions—they open up, engage, and offer far more meaningful insights.

In the communication tip, Kristi shifts to posture—calling out one of the most overlooked (and most visible) elements of courtroom presence. She explains how modern habits like desk work and phone use are reshaping our bodies, limiting breath capacity, and negatively impacting how jurors perceive authority, confidence, and credibility.

LISTEN HERE...

In this episode, you’ll learn:

What a “dual monologue” is and why it’s so common

The key differences between surface-level conversation and true engagement

How to use curiosity and follow-up questions to deepen connection

Why conversational skills directly impact jury selection outcomes

How juror engagement increases when they feel heard—not processed

The concept of “text neck” and its impact on your body

How posture affects breath, voice, and nervous system regulation

Why poor posture undermines perceived authority and credibility

Simple ways to build awareness and improve physical alignment

Key Takeaway:

Connection doesn’t come from taking turns talking—it comes from actually engaging. In the courtroom and in life, when people feel heard, they give you more. And if your posture doesn’t support your presence, your message has to work twice as hard.

Favorite Moment:

“Jurors don’t open up in environments that feel transactional—they open up when they feel heard.”

That single shift reframes how to approach voir dire entirely.

Links & Resources:

Dual monologue vs conversation

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1DumHqyNkt/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Episode #56 - When Your Brain Outruns Your Mouth www.fostervoicestudio.com/blog/56

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This week, try one simple shift: in your next conversation, ask one more follow-up question before sharing your own story. Then notice what changes. And while you’re at it…check your posture.

Until next time, keep fostering your voice.

TRANSCRIPT:

Helloooo!!! Hello Foster Fam. Welcome to another episode of the Foster Your Voice podcast. I'm, of course, your host, Kristi Foster. If you haven't already, please take just a moment to post a 5-star rating and, if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, write a quick review. I mean, generally, just start leaving positive reviews for things that you enjoy. Start liking or "hearting" social media posts for people or businesses you admire, respect, or appreciate. We all are part of the algorithm-experience, and those little actions go a long way to help those creators that you want to see be successful. Okay, soapbox moment over. haha!

I recently found myself at a memorial service, (how's that for a segue. haha!). But seriously, I was at a memorial service last week, which meant I was around a lot of people I don’t typically see—extended family, family friends…folks outside my regular circles. This is always a GREAT time to practice conversational skills, or...like I did this time because i knew I was going to be talking about this...it was a great opportunity to observe conversational patterns—the ones we all fall into without even realizing it.

Now, I don't mean this in a judgmental way because, like I said, this is a common things across the board with all human interactions. And here's what it is...

It's the dual monologue. I share something. That reminds you of something from your life, so you share it. Which then spurs on another thing from my life, which gets shared. And we go back and forth. The topics might relate, but it’s still two separate monologues happening side by side—not a shared conversation.

Let me show you what that sounds like in real life:

"Hey! Nice to see you! How you been?"

"Oh good. Just busy with kids sports these days. Jacob decided to try his hand at basketball this year."

"Our boy Steven played for a couple of seasons when he was that age.

"Yeah, so far he's enjoying it."

"I wish Steven would have stuck with it, but he decided to focus in on soccer instead and that becomes kind of a year-round thing with school teams and then leagues, and then travel teams. It's a whole thing."

Can you hear it? There’s no real exchange—just alternating stories.

Cole Jennette, a communications coach that I follow on FB, talks about this dual monologue situation. I'll post the link to his reel in the comments. But, basically, he says that THIS is not conversation.

Conversation includes listening, investing in the other person, asking follow up questions, and sincerely interacting with their train of thought.

Now listen to what changes when we shift from talking at each other to actually engaging:

"Hey! Nice to see you! How you been?"

"Oh good. Just busy with kids sports these days. Jacob decided to try his hand at basketball this year."

"Nice! Is he enjoying it?"

"You know, he really is. We didn't know how he'd take to it cause he's a smaller kid."

"Team sports are great for that though. Is he getting some ball time?"

"Yeah, the coach is great about equally playing the kids to let them feel it out and work together."

"See, all that is great life skill development. Good for him."

(and NOW the other person can offer their own experience)

"Our boy Steven played for a couple of seasons when he was that age, but he decided to focus in on soccer instead and that becomes kind of a year-round thing with school teams and then leagues, and then travel teams. It's a whole thing."

"Oh yeah, that might be in our future. That's a big family commitment. How'd that work with your work schedule? You travel a lot for your job, don't you?"

Now we’ve got sharing, curiosity, follow-up questions, and actual engagement. It’s still light conversation—but it’s connected.

And I think this is really important for you, as a trial attorney, to consider this for your next jury selection process. Start by just doing some of your own observational work, and bring some awareness to how you naturally interact with folks. Do you fall prey to dual monologues?

In voir dire, this might look like one juror sharing something, then, instead of asking a follow up (like "tell me more" or "what's important about that?") you go on to the next juror, or to the next question. Now you've created monologue silos, and it starts to feel more like an interrogation or, at best, a surface-level interview. There's no connection. There's no engagement. There's just serving their obligated duty.

When you can master this "art of conversation" I think you'll be surprised what jurors will offer up, and the richness of sharing you'll get in the group. This will help you drive to the principles of your case and make meaningful connections where jurors might actually WANT to serve on your trial. 'Cause jurors don’t open up in environments that feel transactional—they open up when they feel heard.

Let me know if you're going to play around with this in your next voir dire, or even if you've got an upcoming family reunion or company meeting where you can practice these conversation skills.

—BREAK—

Let this be your warning. I’m going to call you out on something today—and yes, I’m calling myself out too.

Wherever you are right now, just check in. How is your posture? See...? I tried to warn you. What did you immediately do when I said that? I know exactly what you did because i did it too. I sat up straighter. I rolled my shoulders back. I tucked my chin a little. Those responses are automatic. Your body already knows what “better” alignment feels like—you just don’t stay there.

I mean, we've gotten so bad haven't we? Even if you're an active person, you probably still do a fair amount of sitting at your desk. I totally do. Which means, with our keyboards in front of us, we naturally roll our shoulders forward. We're just in this position a lot.

And you know it's not just while we're sitting at our desks or driving our cars. When you're not at your desk or in your car, I bet that you have your phone in your hand. I'm right, aren't I?

Just grab your phone real quick, I mean, if you're not driving of course. As soon as your phone is in your hands and you're waiting, where does your muscle memory take your body. Curled forward. Of course. Me too.

AND, what about your head!? Just bring awareness to where your head goes. "Tech neck" or "text neck" is now considered a chronic neck/shoulder issue caused by poor, forward-head posture while using phones. This position increases strain from 10–12 lbs in neutral position to up to 60 lbs at a 60-degree tilt.

It’s not great—and we all know it.

Your posture directly impacts how you are perceived as a courtroom leader. That's right. Your bad posture isn't just bad for your body, it's bad for how jurors perceive your credibility and your ability to be a leader for them. Nonverbally, habitually rolled shoulders project shyness, or lack of confidence, uncertainty. You might be the best person to argue for your client and you might be the brightest person in the room, but your posture is going to make it that much harder for folks to actually receive your expertise. You’ll be fighting perception the entire time—and that’s an uphill battle you don’t need.

But it's also bad because we're developing the muscle memory for collapsing on your breath mechanism. How are you EVER going to access a low, grounded breath when your structure is collapsing on itself?

Bad posture has compromised everything. All the good things you need — confidence, strong vocal tone, regulated nervous system, perceived leadership, jurors' faith in you — they're all at risk with inattention to posture.

Okay, so how are we fixing this? There is no shortage of simple exercises you can do. I mean, go ahead and do a quick google search and you'll see articles and videos for cat/cow stretches while sitting at your desk, chin tucks, and compelling pleas for you to set a timer for getting up to stretch every 30 minutes.

Somehow you need to create a visual reminder for yourself. I love the timer option because i work for myself and work at home, so i don't mind the disruption. But maybe for you, it's gonna have to be a post-it note on your computer — something at eye level that simply says "posture." I've started using bright colored jelly bracelets for visual cues, like it's 1997 again.

Awareness is really the key here. It's the starting point. Bring awareness to your body alignment and create pathways to successful habit development. Go back to Episode #56 for a quick review of how behaviors become habits. So one more time—before you move on with your day…check your posture.

Until next time, keep fostering your voice.