In this episode, Kristi reframes how we think about habits, motivation, and behavior change—drawing from behavioral science insights shared by Karin Nordin of Body Brain Alliance. She explains why many so-called “habits” never stick (and why that’s not a personal failure), offering relief and clarity for anyone stuck in cycles of frustration.

The episode then shifts into a courtroom communication tip focused on vocal pacing, breath, and finishing sentences with intention to strengthen clarity, credibility, and authority in front of a jury.

LISTEN HERE...

In this episode, you’ll learn:

1. Why most New Year’s “habits” aren’t habits at all

2. The difference between true habits and complex behaviors

3. How mislabeling behavior creates false expectations and unnecessary shame

4. Why discipline and motivation often fail without the right framework

5. How fast thinking can undermine vocal authority in court

6. The connection between pace, breath, and sentence endings

7. Why slowing down actually increases credibility and leadership presence

Key Takeaway:

When your expectations are aligned with how the brain actually works, progress becomes sustainable—and when your pace and breath are aligned, your authority becomes unmistakable.

Favorite Moment:

The realization that “getting up early” or “going to the gym” isn’t a habit failure—it’s a strategy mismatch.

Links & Resources:

1. Karin Nordin, PhD — Body Brain Alliance https://learn.bodybrainalliance.com/sp/change-academy-landing/

2. Pace & Pause Guide (free download) https://www.fostervoicestudio.com/paceandpause

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If this episode gave you clarity or relief, share it with a colleague and leave a review—it helps the podcast reach attorneys who need these tools. And if you’re ready to strengthen your courtroom presence, grab the Pace & Pause guide linked in the show notes.

Until next week, keep fostering your voice.

TRANSCRIPT:

Helllooooo!! Hello Foster Fam! Glad you've joined me again for another episode of the Foster Your Voice podcast. Please consider sharing an episode or two with a colleague. If you're learning something, chances are your colleague would learn something too and you'll be an even stronger team.

This week's point of interest is taken from an email newsletter I received from Karin Nordin at Body Brain Alliance. Karin has her PhD in Behavior Change, which...is FASCINATING...and I've just recently discovered her content online. Her newsletter is insightful and challenges some of the systems or thought patterns I've set up for myself, which I really appreciate, especially the way I think about motivation, discipline, and ‘doing things right.’ Cause, you know, most of us are just making it up as we go, so I REALLY love the folks who know a lot more about behavioral systems and give a lot of value for free in their online content. Her work sits right at the intersection of neuroscience, behavior change, and real life—which immediately caught my attention.

Anyway, Karin's email hit at just the right time because when this episode comes out, it will be exactly one month past Quitter’s Day. That's the day where, statistically speaking, people have given up on their "new year's resolutions." Now, I made it through Quitter's Day, and maybe you did too. But now, I've been at some things for at least a month, or for some things a lot longer, and yet, they're still a struggle, or I'm hit-or-miss, or I forgot and then i remembered and then i forgot again. And, if you're like me, it's really easy to for the brain to be like "Why can't you just get this, Foster? You have a strong ‘why.’ You want this. You know all the reasons—so why aren’t you just doing it?”

For me, these look like...

1. getting up early to get my walk in and have a thorough morning routine

2. stop screens at 8pm, do my nighttime routine and get to bed early

3. get more protein, and fiber into my daily diet

You know...life things. There are also business things and ways that I see myself being as I forecast my "future self." I bet you have some things too, that you want to just be habits and feel like they should be by now.

BUT...in Karin's email she dropped a line that stopped me cold. She said , "We’ve got to get SO clear on what a habit actually is. ‘Cause the pop culture definition and the research definition have a serious mismatch."

Oooh!! Very intriguing. Tell me more, Karin.

She went on to say, "A habit is a cognitive-motivational process distinct from other types of behavior because it is “cue contingent.” It depends on a cue. That means if the cue does not exist, the habit does not occur. A habit is a learned automatic response that occurs without conscious thought.

Things like...buckling your seatbelt when you get into your car. That's a habit. Or reaching for your phone alarm in the morning without thinking. That's a habit.

“Getting up early” is not a habit—not by the true psychological definition.

It's important to understand this distinction because "When we call complex behaviors “habits,” that creates an expectation that they’ll become unconscious and automatic. But they won’t."

It's setting up a false expectation that will only keep you feeling like something's wrong with you. What a relief to finally understand that there's nothing wrong with me...I just have set up a false expectation for my complex behaviors.

Karin reminds us that, "Forming habits actually requires an extremely rigid protocol." When we're talking about cue-response-rewards, they have to be IDENTICAL and over and extended period of time in order to establish the habit and have it become automatic.

If you're trying to make a complex behavior happen regularly using this approach, you’re setting yourself up for failure, because complex behaviors (like, going to the gym and becoming a better exerciser), those behaviors require cognitive flexibility and planning skills. And then we internalize that failure as a character flaw—when it’s actually a strategy problem.

"It requires you to respond DYNAMICALLY — not rigidly — to your environment," Karin says

I don't know about you, but reading her words in my inbox, gave me a literal sigh of relief. My information was wrong, and so my approach and my expectations were wrong. Now I can adjust and REALLY set myself up for success.

So, what "habit" have you been trying to establish for yourself, but you now realize they're not intended to be HABITS at all, but rather, just complex behaviors instead? There’s no shame in re-labeling it.

When you stop trying to “cue routine reward” yourself into getting more fiber, or getting to the gym, you can actually focus that energy instead on techniques that will actually make a difference—like building intrinsic motivation, improving your planning, anticipating obstacles, and doing some identity work. I love how Karin says to stop trying to "automagically waltz through a perfect, habitual life."

So, go ahead and ditch your "10 habits for a new year, new me" because, likely, they're not true "habits" in the first place.

Does this give you the same relief that it gave me? Send me an email at [email protected] or send me a DM to let me know which "habit" you're ditching and how you'll set up the correct behavior change you want. I can't wait to hear from you.

—BREAK—

Today, I want to talk about something that you may be doing often without realizing it, and it's seriously hindering your clarity and your authority.

Now, the attorneys that I've been working with are the most brilliant people I've ever met. The breadth of knowledge they maintain and they way they maneuver effortlessly, or seemingly, through legal arguments is impressive and truly noteworthy. Their brains are firing on all cylinders.

But because of this, because they're staying not just one step ahead of their opponent, but usually more like 10 steps ahead, sometimes their brains move on before their mouth can finish the thought completely.

This shows up most clearly at the ends of sentences. Sometimes their sentences trail off.

Like I said, I get why. But a panel of jurors won't think the same. And the court reporter who has to ask you to speak up, or repeat yourself, also doesn't appreciate that it's because of your brilliance that you're not delivering all the way through.

Ending your sentences in a fade out, and without intention is undermining your presence, trustworthiness and authority, especially for jurors who are deciding whether they can trust you.

The good news is that this is fixable. First, you have to be aware of it. You have to catch yourself in the moment and make a conscious choice to correct it.

Now, usually when I bring it to a client's awareness and then they catch themselves and fix it, I stop and ask them "okay, what did you do differently?" 9 out of 10 times they'll say "Well, I slowed down my pace."

Yes. 100%. Generally speaking, you're likely talking too fast anyway. Your body thinks it needs to move fast to stay safe. Or to make sure that you get all your information out. BUT, that faster cadence triggers higher, faster breathing, which triggers your sympathetic nervous system to rev up, triggering your fight or flight response, so of COURSE your brain is going to get out of there, so to speak. It's of course going to race ahead and cut off the lagging muscles of the mouth.

I mean, think of it...if you were getting chased, that would NOT be the time to have an indepth conversation or an analytical or philosophical discussion. The brain and the mouth are functioning on two different agendas.

By purposefully slowing down and making that an intentional act, your brain will slow down too. Well, slow down isn't exactly the right word. Your brain will stay sharp, but it will rejoin the rest of your system. You won't lose sharpness. You will just get in alignment, and that alignment will project as being present, as being authentic, as being a leader worth following.

All of this boils down to pacing and pausing. You need the slower pace to allow your brain to sync up with the rest of your communication mechanics. Your jury needs the slower pace to allow their brains to process the information in real time.

If this pacing and pausing work is resonating with you, I actually have a free Pace & Pause guide that walks you through exactly how to slow your delivery without losing authority or momentum. It includes simple awareness cues and practical exercises you can use immediately—in prep, in court, or even in everyday conversations. You can grab it through the link in the show notes.

You pause so you can breathe, get the fuel you need to be able to finish each point with vocal strength. Clean vocal endings signal confidence and they show that you have control over the narrative. And while you're pausing, the jury is navigating their own complex system of reflection, integration, connection, and anchoring.

EVERYONE will benefit by you staying committed to a slower pace with frequent pauses. So finish your sentences. Every time.

Until next week, keep fostering your voice.