In this episode of the Foster Your Voice Podcast with Kristi Foster, Kristi shares a mindset shift that has changed the way she thinks about protecting her attention and energy: Strategic Apathy. Inspired by author Jon Acuff, she explores the idea that not every headline, controversy, or outrage deserves your emotional investment. By intentionally choosing what deserves your care—and what doesn't—you preserve your mental bandwidth for the people, causes, and work that truly matter.

In the Communication Tip segment, Kristi tackles one of the most overlooked aspects of courtroom presence: eye contact. Too much eye contact creates discomfort. Too little erodes trust. She explains how to find the "Goldilocks zone" through intentional scanning, brief moments of direct connection, and stage-inspired movement that helps every juror feel included without creating unnecessary intensity.

LISTEN HERE...

Key Takeaway:

Your attention is one of your most valuable resources. The more intentional you become about what receives your emotional investment, the more energy you'll have for the work and relationships that matter most.

Likewise, your eye contact communicates long before your words do. Calm, balanced visual connection builds trust, creates psychological safety, and helps jurors feel included in the conversation rather than scrutinized by it.

Favorite Moment:

"Choose the things you want to deeply care about...and be strategically apathetic about the rest."

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If you're a trial attorney, remember that communication isn't only about what you say—it's also about where you look, how long you hold someone's gaze, and the emotional environment you create. Intentional eye contact, thoughtful body positioning, and a calm visual presence help jurors stay connected to both you and your message.

Until next time, keep fostering your voice.

TRANSCRIPT:

Helloooooo!!! Welcome Foster Fam!! I hope you had a good fourth of July celebration. Did you do some of the traditional things? Fireworks? BBQ (or do you say Cook Out in your region?)? Or did you change things up a bit?

I'm not a huge 4th "joiner." Never really have been. I love big firework displays but neighborhood fireworks scare me to death. I lived in a neighborhood that was like Armageddon. I'm just too much of a safety queen, so being part of that is just not fun for me. Makes me anxious. Cause then you have alcohol involved, and kids around, and...just...no thank you.

I also just haven't felt all that patriotic in recent years. So, actually last year, and this year, I decided to honor the immigrant on whom this country is built. That included finding some new ethnic cuisine, seeking out some cultural art, and finding new-to-me music. It's a fun new tradition for me. And then, I'm home and in before all the craziness starts. ha!

Speaking of finding out ways to protect your peace and manage your energy, I read an email recently that really turned me on my head and it just gave me a great new perspective, or strategy. So I want to share it with you.

I've mentioned, many times, how much I love what the author Jon Acuff contributes to the mindset space, and this is from him. In his weekly email, he presented the idea of Strategic Apathy. Now, generally, the idea of being apathetic about anything gives me pause. As someone who values intentional living and who has some negative soundtracks around laziness...I'm not really drawn to "apathy." So, "strategic apathy" intrigued me.

As Jon says, the idea is around the fact that the internet runs on your attention, and the fastest way to grab it is to make you upset. Anger, offense, fear these are all shortcuts straight to your heart. This is where celebrity scandals play in. Or politics in states you don't vote in. Or, teams you've never cheered for. These are the clickbait headlines that snare and entangles you.

And they take your mental and emotional energy. Cause, as Jon says, "what did you do with all that information? Donate money? Volunteer? Read six books on the root causes?" Realistically, no. You just wallow, and you waste your time, and creativity.

So, strategic apathy is the answer here. CHOOSE things you want or need to deeply care about...health, family, your firm/staff/clients, your neighbors, and the missions or causes you support. Ignore the rest. Don't engage. Be strategically apathetic.

Now, this isn't an opportunity to put your head in the sand. It's important to be informed about the things that are important, especially when you have some agency to be able to effect change. But when it literally has NOTHING to do with you and does not impact the things you value in ANY way...maybe practicing some strategic apathy can serve you well.

I'm gonna adopt this for myself. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this and if you think this would be a useful strategy for you too. Big thanks to Jon Acuff for this concept.

—BREAK—

For our communication tip today, I'm talking about something that if you do too much, it's real bad. But, not enough is ALSO real bad. When it comes to eye contact as a communication strategy, you've got to really Goldilocks it and get it JUST RIGHT.

People who keep eye contact just a little too long, create some unwelcomed intensity into the moment. On the receiving end of that focused intent, it makes you start emotionally, AND PHYSICALLY, backing away. When you're being stared down, it like bores a hole into you and you start to physically turn inward as an act of preservation. And, you can only hold the eye contact for so long before you just HAVE to look away. It's awkward. Don't do that to your jurors.

Now, I know you're not TRYING to be awkward. You're seeking connection, whether consciously or subconsciously. Understood, and admirable. But intense eye contact isn't the way.

On the other end of the continuum though, avoiding eye contact is also weird and makes you look a little sketchy and untrustworthy. I had a colleague once, who, I KNOW had a good heart and was well intentioned, but as he spoke, he would look slightly down and move his eyes back and forth. Not really darting, but not just calm either. Cognitively, I KNOW he was just thinking about what he wanted to say, and in many ways I appreciate how intentional he was trying to be with his words. BUT...it FELT strange to be on the receiving end of it. It just felt like he was being subversive and underhanded. Even though I KNEW he wasn't, it still impacted my trust levels and my own level of vulnerability with him. I didn't feel emotionally safe with him simply because he was not comfortable with making eye contact.

So, where is the Goldilocks zone? Where is the "just right?"

I think this is a good time to draw from theater and stage performance, and there are a couple different approaches based on the size of audience you're talking to, AND how adept you are with nerve management.

So, if you're speaking to a larger group, say at a CLE, on some kind of stage...a standard trick of the trade is to slowly scan the crowd and keep your gaze just about at the hairline. Again, this is for a LARGER GROUP where there is some distance and a clear distinction between you and them (collectively). Occasionally, make direct eye contact with someone and just hold for a second before continuing your scan.

Now you also don't want to robotically scan, like from L to R all on the same plain, and at the same pace. When I say "scan," I just mean to keep things moving in a slow and controlled way. No darting around. Connect your movements. You can practice this right now. Just where you are, look at something in the distance on the left. Now slowly move your gaze so that you're looking at something mid-field on the right. Make sure you drag your eyes to capture the audience in between those two points. Now look at something close up and to the left. Again, connect those two points. You'd maybe now be looking at someone in or near the front row. Slowly move across the front row to look at the complete opposite side.

Notice how you've just captured the full scope of the audience, touching on each of the borders to help everyone feel included, without zeroing in on any one person for too long. This is group inclusion, again, for a large group when there is some physical distance between you and them.

It's different when you're in the courtroom though, isn't it. Not only are you in close proximity, but the nature of your presentation is collaborative in a way. I mean, I know you're the only one talking during opening, but there is still a conversational tone where you want them to feel involved in the journey, not just observing it. So, even though it's still you and them, you have to approach it more like interpersonal communication.

In this situation, you still need to scan, again, meaning that you stay in motion (slowly) so that you still seem grounded and connected. But, in this scenario, you need to make direct eye contact with individuals, just not for very long.

YOU need to be the one to break eye contact. If you make THEM be the ones to look away, that's when trust and safety are compromised. Go ahead and use strategic moments to look at your notes. I've said before, that this is a good time for the jury to catch up on their cognitive processing, and now it's also a time to reset visual energy and give you and them a break.

Another way to provide an eye contact break while still being in presentation mode, is simply to to look slightly up and away. It gives the perception that you're taking in their words (like in voir dire), and/or that you're considering your next words and just being comfortable in contemplation.

Now, as far as helping your audience feel included, again, we draw on theater principles of blocking or staging to guide us. On stage, generally speaking, you want to "stay open" to the audience. So, the director will block the scene with the actors moving to strategic parts of the stage in order to help the audience see what they're communicating.

Staying open, then, means that you physically turn your body or gesture in a way that doesn't close you off. So...if you find yourself on the left side of the jury box (facing them, your left), that's a good time to angle your body to open up to the jurors on the right side of the jury box, and make eye contact with those folks. Then it feels more like a group discussion instead of just presenting to the person right in front of you, probably with too much intensity.

This takes some practice. And, mostly, it takes some self-awareness. If the goal is to create sincere connection with the jury, slow scanning with occasional short pauses to make direct eye contact and then you looking away, again, without darting or seeming random...this is what will get your to the Goldilocks "just right" zone.

Start practicing the slow scan and let me know how it works for you.

And, until next week, keep fostering your voice.