What if the way you respond to life’s frustrations—and courtroom tension—could instantly shift your clarity, control, and communication?

In this episode, Kristi explores the improvisational concept of “Yes, and,” and a powerful reframe she recently discovered: “Yes, thank you.” Inspired by insights from Pete Holmes, this mindset shift isn’t about forced positivity—it’s about interrupting resistance and creating space for a more grounded, regulated response.

Then, in the Communication Tip, Kristi breaks down what’s actually happening in your brain when you get triggered—and how to regain control in real time. From the classic “count to 10” strategy to simple physical resets, you’ll learn how to stay composed, authoritative, and responsive—even under pressure.

LISTEN HERE...

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The difference between “Yes, and,” “Yes, but,” and “Yes, thank you”
• Why “Yes, but” can unintentionally shut down connection and collaboration
• How “Yes, thank you” interrupts stress and reframes difficult moments
• What’s happening in your brain when you feel triggered (amygdala vs. prefrontal cortex)
• Why pausing—even for one breath—can restore clarity and control
• How to use physical movement (“decontaminating”) to reset your nervous system in real time

Key Takeaway:

You don’t need to eliminate stress—you need to interrupt reactivity.

A simple pause, a breath, or a shift in perspective can move you from emotional reaction to intentional response.

Favorite moment:

“It’s not toxic positivity. It’s just choosing not to argue with what already is.”

Links & Resources:

Pete Holmes on the Ten Percent Happier Podcast - "Yes, thank you."

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVdmyidDkg_/?igsh=MWQ2M20xcHByaHljcw==

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If this episode resonated, it’s time to start practicing these tools in your everyday interactions—before you need them in high-stakes moments.

And if you haven’t already, leave a 5-star review and share the podcast with a colleague. The more attorneys who learn to communicate with clarity and control, the better the courtroom experience becomes—for everyone.

TRANSCRIPT:

Helllloooo!!! Hello Foster Fam! Welcome, welcome to today's episode. Let's get straight into things.

There’s a well-known concept in improvisational theater—

and even though improv was never my specialty, I’ve spent enough time around it to know this:

it teaches some of the most valuable real-life communication skills.

And one of the biggest is this: “Yes, and.”

The idea is simple: don’t reject what’s given… and don’t shut down the opportunity to build on it.

“No” shuts things down.

“Yes, but…” sounds like agreement—but it actually rejects the value of what was said.

If I’m being honest—I’m a bit more of a “Yes, but” person. If I don’t immediately see the value or the path forward, my instinct is to shut it down. My pragmatism doesn't want to waste time by going down paths that won't actually come to success or come to fruition.

"Yes, but" sounds efficient…but it can also shut down people. I KNOW that along the way, I have crushed some spirits in the brainstorming process, and I have likely missed out on some beautiful collaborations or gently opening doors.

So, I really appreciated the reel I saw of Pete Holmes when he was a guest on the live recording of the 10 Percent Happier Podcast. I've put the link in the show notes for you. In this clip, he shares his "mantra" of sorts, which is "Yes, thank you."

It's a little bit of a play on yes-anding and it tricks your neurology into a new perspective. Saying "yes, thank you" in the midst of a traditionally negative experience, you immediately hijack your brain. You interrupt the stress response and create space for a more regulated reaction.

Pete gives the example of a delayed flight. Normally, this is something that creates frustration and irritation and a mad scramble to make adjustments. When you say "yes, thank you" in that moment, you acknowledge that perhaps you can't see the whole picture. Perhaps there are blessings that await you that you would not have access to without the delay. It says, "There a chance that I don't have the complete vision and maybe there's a possibility that things are actually working in my favor right now."

And, let's be clear...This isn’t toxic positivity. It’s not pretending something is good. It’s just choosing not to argue with what already is. As Pete says, It's about not debating the negative thing. Not giving it power. Just accepting what IS.

This will take some practice for me, cause, like I said, my pragmatism runs deep. But, I want to live with an expectation of goodness. That things are working out for me. That even in the midst of discomfort, inconvenience, and irritation, there's room for my brain to maintain a framework of gratitude. "Yes, thank you."

What do think? Is there room for you to consider a "Yes, thank you" approach to your life? Will you give it a try? Maybe just set an intention for one week and see if positive changes come about.

I'd love to hear from you. Let me know how this goes and if it was easy for you, or if it got easier for you.

—BREAK—

Have you heard the advice, I'm sure you have, to "count to 10 when you're angry?" It's kind of cliche at this point I think, but it's a valuable instruction that bears revisiting. Especially as high-stakes communicators in the courtroom, or even in depositions, when you have opposing counsel actively trying to unsettle you; relentless objections just to throw off your rhythm and trigger you.

So, let's talk about what's happening internally that gets you so riled up, and then let's find some solutions to keep you in the driver's seat.

First of all, When you get triggered—and let’s be honest, it’s when, not if—your body activates a stress response. Your brain shifts control to the amygdala—your threat detection center—

and away from the prefrontal cortex, which handles reasoning and impulse control.

And, let's be clear, it's not just you. This is just how the human brain works. At some point in our human history, we regularly experienced physical threat from predators, from the environment. We needed a fight-or-flight response in order to protect us. So, thank you Sympathetic Nervous System branch! You're awesome.

BUT...the wild thing is, that nowadays, even though, thankfully most of us do not live under constant physical threat, no one told the brain. It can't tell the difference between actual threat and perceived EMOTIONAL threat. So, these triggering events...? They light up the amygdala — that's the oldest part of the brain, it's the habit-forming part, and it's the emotional center — and takes you away from the prefrontal cortext, which is the tempered, thoughtful, impulse control part of the brain.

THAT'S why you get all discombobulated. You're normal. This is how we are wired and designed. It definitely has served a purpose, but it also can derail us.

Enter the "Count to 10" rule. Counting to 10 works for one reason: it creates a pause long enough for your brain to come back online. If you can have the wherewithal to not just react and match their energy, if you can pause and count to 10, you are giving your brain a chance to catch up—to have it's internal momentary tantrum, but then come back online and let the Parasympathetic System get you back into regulation.

It's worth noting, WHAT are you doing during that 10 seconds? YOU'RE BREATHING. Low and slow as you count. You know how much I love reminding you to breathe!

And, let's be honest, you can't always count to 10. Sometimes, regulation just needs to happen faster than that. EVEN ONE intentional breath, allowing a strategic pause, will distract the amygdala long enough to get your brain back online, and you back in control of your emotions. One breath is all it takes to interrupt that fight-or-flight instinct, and prevent you from using a reactive tone of voice, or rushing through your next point.

And another thing you can do to recalibrate and reclaim your driver's seat authority is to "decontaminate." This is a simple act of walking even just a few steps away from where the explosive moment happened. And, I say "explosive" but I'm not meaning an all-out-yelling match in the courtroom. Sometimes that happens, but more ofte , the explosions are happening internally.

That moment happened in space and time though, not just in your head; in a physical location. So, physically, step away from that space. If you're stuck at a podium, just take a step backwards or forwards. Even just shift your weight to the opposite foot. Disrupt the physical space you were in, WHILE taking a deep breath, to decontaminate the space, and start again with clarity. You are signaling to your brain: that moment is over.

These subtle physical actions — stepping to a new spot, taking a deep breath — are tremendously impactful to internal functions. You want to get yourself back to a place of being responsive, rather than reactive. In control, instead of rattled. Unflappable, instead of off kilter.

And, just like with everything I teach, practice this is low (or lower) stakes situations. Don't wait until your case is on the line and you have a full jury box and gallery watching you. Practice this with your kids or your spouse. Practice in slight irritations to train the mechanics and write the neural pathway for responsiveness.

I'm excited to hear how this works for you. Send me an email or DM to let me know when you've tested it out — both counting to 10 and decontaminating. I'm eager to hear.

Until next time, keep fostering your voice.