In this episode, Kristi challenges one of the most overused—and often misunderstood—words in personal growth: consistency. While consistency is often framed as the gold standard for success, she shares why jumping straight into “being consistent” can actually set you up to fail.

Drawing on behavior change research and the concept of the Zone of Proximal Development, she introduces a more realistic and effective approach: start by doing the behavior once, then build frequency before expecting consistency. This shift reduces pressure, increases awareness, and creates sustainable progress instead of cycles of burnout and self-judgment.

In the communication tip, Kristi revisits one of the most essential—and difficult—skills for trial attorneys to master: pausing. She breaks down why silence is not the problem in the courtroom, but rather what you do within that silence. When used strategically, pauses regulate both your nervous system and the jury’s, improve comprehension, and deepen retention—leading to clearer thinking and stronger decision-making.

LISTEN HERE...

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why “consistency” can be an unrealistic starting point for behavior change
• How the Zone of Proximal Development impacts habit formation
• The difference between consistency and frequency
• A practical, low-pressure approach to building new habits
• How awareness—not perfection—is the real foundation for growth
• Why silence in the courtroom is often misunderstood
• The difference between ineffective pauses and strategic pauses
• How pausing supports juror processing, retention, and decision-making
• Why your internal regulation directly impacts juror experience

Key Takeaway:

Stop trying to be consistent before you’re ready. Do it once. Then again. Build awareness through repetition—and let consistency emerge from experience, not pressure. In the courtroom, remember: silence isn’t weakness. It’s where understanding happens.

Favorite Moment:

“The silence isn’t the problem. Your behavior inside the silence is.”

That distinction reframes everything about how attorneys think about pausing—and why so many struggle to use it effectively.

Links & Resources:

Consistency fallacy -

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1GvYJN9UC2/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Zone of Proximal Development - https://www.simplypsychology.org/zone-of-proximal-development.html

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If this episode shifted how you think about consistency—or gave you permission to take a more sustainable approach—share it with someone who’s stuck in the all-or-nothing cycle. And next time you’re in court, experiment with one intentional pause and notice what changes.

Until next time, keep fostering your voice.

TRANSCRIPT:

Hellooooo!! Hello Foster Fam! Welcome back to the Foster Your Voice Podcast. I'm your host, Kristi Foster.

On my goal setting, goal accomplishing journey, I keep hearing one word. Consistency. All the influencers will tell you that if you want to improve anything—your health, your business, your communication—you have to do small things consistently. Small successes executed consistently over time is how you build a new habit.

Now, don't worry...I"m not here to debunk that. I mean, ultimately, that IS the way we create new neural pathways and create the habits we're wanting.

BUT...I know, for myself, that I have a tendency to over-function when it comes to habit change & skill development. I mean...i map it all out, I do the time blocking on my calendar, I set up the accountability group, and I'm full steam ahead. Now is the time "to treat this as a priority, protect it, and don't sacrifice my personal growth for anything."

I have a PLAN for consistency, but then...you know...life happens. The schedule juggling happens. And, it needs to. There are responsibilities and people that rely on me, and I want to give life energy to them. But before I know it, my "perfect" paper schedule is out the window and I'm back to square one. And it’s not that the plan was bad. It’s that the plan assumed a version of me that didn’t yet exist.

Do you do this too? It's not just me, right?

So when I came across Karin’s post from Body Brain Alliance, I felt immediate relief—because she challenged the very thing I thought I needed more of: consistency. She actually talked about rebuking the word "consistency." It was a little tongue-in-cheek, but also, as a behavior change PhD, she has some expertise in this that I found really worthwhile.

I'll post the link to her reel in the show notes for you to watch yourself, but basically, she was sharing about how she went for a run for the first time in like 5 years, or something like that. And that there was a strong temptation to lean into "I'm going to go running every day." Consistency.

She goes on to say that consistency requires a high-level knowledge of the obstacles that come with the behavior or habit you're working on. But when you're just starting a new behavior, or you haven't done the thing in a long time, you're totally unfamiliar with those obstacles.

She talks about the Zone of Proximal Development, or ZPD, as the cool kids call it—basically the sweet spot for learning. It’s where something is challenging enough to grow you, but not so hard that it shuts you down.

"If information lies outside the ZPD, the learner will be unable to master it, whereas tasks below the zone are already within their independent capability."

So, she goes on to say that if she were to set a goal of running consistently 4x a week, that would absolutely be outside her zone, and, the empowering thought for me, is that we need to adjust our expectations. It's unreasonable to expect, as she says, that she could go from not running at all to running consistently. "Especially if that [expectation] was created over one decision, over night."

And that's where it is for me. I get these, well-intentioned, but admittedly hair-brained ideas and somehow think that I'm now suddenly going to be consistent and create the life I expect for myself. I mean, now that I'm actually breaking it down and saying it out loud...It’s a little delusional. And yet…that’s exactly how I’ve been approaching it.

Okay, so she gives her listeners a do-able process instead.

First, do the behavior ONCE. Not forever. Not consistently. Not perfectly. Just once. Put the thing, the skill, the behavior, the activity...whatever...on your calendar and do it one time. THAT is something the brain can wrap around. When the moment, inevitably, comes when your brain says "But I don't WANT to," you don't have to convince it to do the thing AND all the future things that you imagine you need for Consistency. You just have to do the ONE thing. One time. Let your brain out of the high-pressure commitment. It's a one-time deal. That's how you get past the obstacle of "lack of motivation."

Next, build FREQUENCY. You’re not committing to a lifestyle—you’re just repeating a single win. Get success by doing it once, and then do that ONE thing a few more times. Each time you do the ONE thing, you encounter new obstacles and you figure out ways to address them...just for THAT time. Again, you're not letting yourself get caught up in the pressure of having to do this behavior in perpetuity yet. You're just doing it once, overcoming the obstacle, then choosing to do it once again and overcome new obstacles. Build frequency.

Then—after 10 to 15 repetitions—you’ve built something far more valuable than consistency—You’ve built awareness. You've been able to identify and address the various obstacles — the thoughts & feelings, the scheduling conflicts, the lack of motivation, etc — that come up. It's being able to have a catalogue of the obstacles and how you handle each one that will then promote you to Consistent.

Hearing her talk about this and outline a different mindset took the pressure off of me somehow. I have big, long term goals, and with them — probably because I'm an intentional person who skews towards intense — I tend to live in big, long term pressure, which inevitably leads to big, long term guilt & shame over each short term failure.

This was a powerful shift for me and I'm grateful she offered it. This shift moves you out of pressure… and into progress.

I'd love to hear from you about how this reframe of "consistency" changes things for you. Do you over-function like me and find yourself in a cycle going nowhere? What do you think of "rebuking the c-word" (consistency) and going for the one time then build frequency approach? Send me an email at [email protected] or send me a DM on the socials.

—BREAK—

If you’ve been listening for a while, this might feel like a repeat. And honestly? It is. Today's episode might feel like I'm beating a dead horse, but the reminder bears repeating because it's still SUCH a difficult communication technique for folks to master. This is one of the hardest skills to actually implement.

So, forgive me if this feels like old hat for you, but you're in the minority. Every couple months i just need to outline the critical impact of pacing, pausing, and breathing in hopes that you'll start getting more confident in testing out this specific strategic tool.

Let's just remind ourselves that silences created by pausing are not nothing happening. I know you have fears when it comes to silences in court. Maybe that you'll look unprepared or uncertain. Maybe that you'll lose momentum. Maybe that you won't match the same blustery energy of opposing counsel and their approach will be more persuasive.

From my vantage point, as a juror-type person, I can tell you that those fears do not have merit. I get it, and I need you to know that I hear you. But, that's just simply not what's happening based on your silence alone. When you create a pause, jurors do not automatically assume that you've lost your train of thought, or that you don't have confidence, or that you're not prepared, not passionate, or whatever.

Now, they WILL think that if you do not use the pause wisely. What do i mean by that?

Pausing itself doesn't create the perception of insecure or lost. It's the physical discomfort you exhibit IN the pause that creates that perception. The silence isn’t the problem. Your behavior inside the silence is. Fidgeting. Unfiltered frenetic energy. Filler words...These are thing things that make you look uncomfortable and under prepared, NOT the silence.

In strategic silence...? You're breathing to regulate your nervous system and communicate a sense of authority and control. This helps jurors feel a sense of calm and ease. THEIR nervous system regulates when you regulate yours.

The pause also gives jurors time to mentally catalogue and process what they've just heard, or seen. They need some time to organize and store the information. YOU don't. Which is why you are ready to move on and feel kind of silly just staying put. This is the moment you have to remember who you’re serving. Not your comfort. Not your pacing.

Their processing. This is not about YOU just getting through the info and checking the boxes of evidence presentation. This is about you EQUIPPING THEM, and they need time.

If you're expecting the jury to have a comprehensive and thoughtful discussion in the deliberation room, you have to give them time to move from beyond the fleeting existence of working memory and get to retention. That happens when you pause. It’s the difference between something being heard… and something being remembered.

Their brain evaluates the information, and connects it to other core knowledge or personal memories they have, helping it anchor and take root. Their brain also can then do micro-predictions. Not enough to fill in the gaps and tune out, but enough to keep what their hearing now, and hearing next within a context.

This is what deepens understanding. And depth—not speed—is what drives decision-making. Depth of understanding will guide them to meaningful decision making for your client.

Give them the space to think, and they’ll give you the clarity you need.

Until next time, keep fostering your voice.