Most trial attorneys work for years to master the art of persuasion, but there’s one skill that rarely gets the spotlight—and yet can shift the entire dynamic of a courtroom: active silence. 

In this episode, Kristi unpacks how strategic pauses and stillness can give your message space to land, build trust with jurors, and amplify your presence without saying a word.

LISTEN HERE...

In this episode, you’ll learn:

1. The difference between awkward silence and active silence

2. Why jurors process information more slowly than you—and how to match their pace

3. How stillness communicates confidence and credibility

4. Practical ways to practice pausing so it feels natural, not forced

5. Neuroscience-backed reasons silence makes your message “stick”

Key Takeaway:

Confidence often speaks loudest in the pauses. When you stop filling every second with words, you give jurors the space to think, feel, and anchor your message.

Favorite Moment:

“If you’re not comfortable in the silence, your jurors won’t be either. And that pause—the one you’re trying to rush through or avoid entirely—that is the very place where your message has a chance to land.”

Links & Resources:

1. 🎁 Free PDF: The Top 20 Legal Terms to Avoid in Front of a Jury — https://www.fostervoicestudio.com/top20

2. 🎧 Related Episode: Episode #23 – How to Balance Logic and Emotion in Trial

3. 💌 Get weekly strategies for trial presence and persuasion — https://www.fostervoicestudio.com/contact

Want more?

👉 Follow me online for behind-the-scenes voice tips, mindset shifts, and strategies to help you lead with your voice in and out of court:

1. IG: https://www.instagram.com/fostervoicestudio

2. FB: https://www.facebook.com/fostervoicestudio

3. LI: https://www.linkedin/in/fosterthought

4. Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/fostervoicestudio/

    

Subscribe to Foster Your Voice wherever you listen to podcasts, and leave a quick review to help more trial attorneys discover the tools to lead—and win—in the courtroom.

TRANSCRIPT:

(singing) Helloooo!!! Hello Foster Fam! Welcome back to another episode of the Foster Your Voice podcast. I'm your host, Kristi Foster. And today, we're going to talk about getting comfortable with & confident in intentional, active silence.

Speaking of getting comfortable & confident though, I had to you about something that happened to me a few years ago. Well...it's been closer to maybe 7-8 years ago now but I was reminded of it just recently.

So, 7-8 years ago, i went to see a show; a theater production, in downtown Portland. Had a great night at the theater, and when I left, I was surprised to see bumper to bumper traffic. It was like 10pm and the street was packed and at a total stand still.

Well, that's when I realized an even stranger thing, and that is that the cars were empty. Like, no drivers, no passengers. Just empty cars packing the street.

For a second I kind of questioned all my Sunday School beliefs about the rapture and wondered if I'd missed it somehow. But then I heard a raucus down the road a couple blocks and I saw a huge crowd gathering.

I wandered down the 2 blocks and joined the crowd trying to see what was happening, and when the crowd parted, I saw HUNDREDS of people riding bikes through downtown Portland in their birthday suits. They were naked as jay birds.

This is part of what gives this town the slogan "Keep Portland Weird"—The Annual Naked Bike Ride.

I'd heard of it before but had never seen it, and oh boy, there was a LOT to see. For better or worse. haha!! First of all, I was concerned for the chaffing. which some chose to avoid by standing up to ride, but then, woww!! that was a whole different visual. More, much more to reckon with.

While it's not an event I could see myself ever participating in, I was struck by the utter joy these folks expressed. As they dared to do something counter-culture, and outside the social norms, they seemed so utterly comfortable and confident.

It wasn't a awkward experience, there was nothing sexual about it. They just were naked and free. And, I found myself clapping, cheering, singing along with the parade as music and nakedness filled the streets.

I felt inspired. Not to "go and do likewise," but just to examine and ask myself, "What prevents me, or does something prevent me, from being confident and comfortable in vulnerable moments?

It's a good question to ask I think.

What do you think about The Naked Bike Ride? Does your city have something like this? Email me at [email protected] to tell me about the things that keep your city weird, and even better...if you would ever join in the festivities.

—BREAK—

Today, we’re talking about something that most people spend years trying to avoid.

Silence.

Now, I don’t know about you, but i DEFINITELY have felt the social discomfort when silence falls across a dinner party and we're all wracking our brain to think of something to talk about. AWKWARD silence. I've also experienced the anxious silence when forgetting the next line in a script or the next lyrics of a song. PANICKED silence.

That's NOT the kind of silence I'm talking about here.

I’m talking about INTENTIONAL, ACTIVE silence. The kind of silence that holds power. That, like a musical rest, holds meaning and suspends the energy. This is the kind of silence that builds trust. The kind that—when used well—can speak louder than anything else in the courtroom.

And I’ll tell you where this came up for me again recently.

I’m part of a small Trial Group—just a few litigators and then me, a non-lawyer, juror-type person. Once a month, we jump on a Zoom call to watch clips of real trials through Courtroom View Network. We look at presentation styles, delivery strategies, and then we talk about what worked—and what didn't.

Every time, without fail, the attorneys who hold our attention most—the ones we all lean in toward—are the ones who seem... easy in their skin. Not flashy. Not performative. But calm. Grounded. Fully present.

They breathe. They pause. They let the room settle before they continue. And because they’re comfortable in the stillness—we are too.

And that’s the thing I want you to hear today:

If you’re not comfortable in the silence, your jurors won’t be either.

And that pause—the one you're trying to rush through or avoid entirely—that is the very place where your message has a chance to land.

Let’s back up for a second.

So many of you, especially those of you who are high-performing, deeply prepared trial attorneys—are used to filling space. You’re used to knowing the answers, steering the ship, driving momentum.

But here’s the reality: the jury doesn’t process information at your speed.

Your speed is rehearsed. It’s quick. It’s built from months, or years, of familiarity with the facts and the law.

Their speed is new. It’s vulnerable. It’s slower. Not because they’re incapable—but because they’re human. And they’re trying to learn in real time, while managing emotion, confusion, and the pressure of decision-making.

So when you don’t give them time to breathe—when you rush through the sentence that’s supposed to matter the most—they don’t have time to feel it. To think it through. To anchor it in.

What they need, more than a constant stream of words, is room to process.

That’s where active silence comes in.

So, what I mean by “active silence?”

Active silence isn’t slouching. It’s not checking your notes or looking away while people digest.

It’s still posture.

It’s controlled breathing.

It’s eye contact that says, “I trust you to think this through.”

It’s a subtle head nod that affirms, “Yes, I meant that. Sit with it.”

It’s holding the space, instead of grabbing it the moment it opens up.

You’re not just waiting for your turn to talk again. You are communicating even when you’re not speaking.

That’s what makes it active.

Studies in neuroscience support this. Our brains learn through spaced repetition. Not just repeated exposure to information, but spaced exposure—meaning: there has to be time between the concepts to absorb, consolidate, and store the message.

This is especially true when people are under stress. And we know that jurors—who are in a high-pressure, high-stakes environment, asked to make weighty decisions—are under stress. Their working memory is taxed. So you rushing through in order to “sound smart” or “stay authoritative” is actually making it harder for them to retain anything you said.

You want your message to be sticky?

You’ve got to let it settle.

Let the silence do some of the heavy lifting.

Here’s the hard part, though. Silence is uncomfortable—especially when you're the one standing there.

It can feel like a void. Like you’ve dropped the ball. Like you're losing the room.

But that discomfort? That’s where the gold is.

When you learn to breathe into it, rather than escape it—you shift from sounding polished… to sounding powerful.

You stop performing—and you start leading.

And I mean that literally. When a juror sees you stay present, grounded, still—they assume that you know what you’re doing. That you trust your case, and that they can trust you.

But when they see you fill every second, or apologize with your body, or shift your weight in the silence—they start to feel your discomfort. And then they’re not listening to your words. They’re managing your energy.

And they don’t have room for that. They need all their bandwidth for making sense of the story you’ve just told.

So how do you get better at this?

You practice active stillness in low-stakes situations (you've heard me talk about that before)—And you do that so that in high-stakes ones, your body already knows what to do.

Practice pausing in conversation.

Practice ending a sentence, and just being—without adding a filler or an “um” or a nervous laugh.

Practice breathing low and slow while you wait for someone to respond.

Because this isn’t about being dramatic. It’s about being deliberate.

Your presence is part of the message.

And that presence doesn’t disappear in the silence—it gets amplified.

Here’s what I’ll leave you with:

You don’t need to fill every second with sound to command attention.

Confidence often speaks loudest in the pauses.

When you learn to breathe and hold the room with your stillness…

When you trust your message to land the first time, without rushing in to repeat & restate it…

When you stop trying to own the room and start focusing on holding space—

Your voice gets stronger. Your jurors feel safer. Your message stays longer.

Let the silence speak. Let it do the work.

And while you're at it?

Breathe easy.

Hold the space.

And keep fostering your voice.