Trial attorneys, ever catch yourself spiraling right before opening? Feeling off but blaming it on lack of preparation—even though you know your case inside and out? In this episode, Kristi reveals a powerful truth that could shift everything: you don’t have to believe every thought you think. 🤯

LISTEN HERE...

Learn how your brain’s job of survival—not accuracy—can derail courtroom performance, and discover how the CLEAR Framework helps you pause, reframe, and show up as the advocate and leader your jury needs.

Plus: a real-world example of what makes someone feel heard—and how attorneys can embody that same powerful presence in voir dire and beyond.

🔗 Episode Links:

Download the free CLEAR Framework Guide: https://www.fostervoicestudio.com/CLEAR (make sure "CLEAR" is in all caps)

Soundtracks by Jon Acuff: https://store.jonacuff.com/soundtracks?_gl=1*ti9b9q*_ga*MjE0MDI5NzEzMy4xNzQ2MjExMzUw*_ga_P06YSVGZ6X*MTc0NjIxMTM1MC4xLjEuMTc0NjIxMTM1My4wLjAuMA..

📬 Let’s Connect:

Kristi wants to hear from you! Share what you’re learning, loving, or curious about. Email her at [email protected] or DM her on Instagram/Facebook.

💬 Favorite Quote:

"Your brain’s default mode is not truth. It’s not even growth. It’s safety."

TRANSCRIPT:

(singing) Helllooo! Hello Foster Fam! Welcome back, hope you're doing well. Check in with me when you have a chance. I'd LOVE to hear from you — to hear what you're learning, what you're enjoying about the podcast, what you'd like me to cover, and just generally check in and let me know HOW you are and what's going on in your world. Send me an email at [email protected] or slide into my DMs on instagram or Facebook. Let's get connected and catch up.

Before we get into today's discussion, i wanted to share something I've been doing lately. And that is, well, say for instance, I had lunch with a friend recently that I hadn't seen or talked with for an extended season, so we were catching up and they were sharing about a procedure they'd had done not too long ago.

And while they were sharing about it, they said "I really liked my doctor." At which point, I rudely derailed the conversation, and asked "What did you like?"

Them: "I just liked that they took their time with me. Nothing felt rushed. I felt like i was able to really share without feeling dumb or like it didn't matter. Like, they really listened to me."

Me: "How could you tell? What kinds of things did they DO that made you feel listened to?"

Them: "Well, they moved away from the computer thing and turned to face me. They breathed deep and they kept eye contact, but like, not in a creepy way."

Me: "Right, like with soft eyes?"

Them: "Yeah, and they just let me talk. I guess they had some "mm" "mm-hmm"s too. I don't know, maybe they weren't really listening, but I FELT like they were.

Me: "And they were. Did you also think that they knew their stuff?"

Them: "Oh for sure. And that's another thing...I felt like they just took their time to explain it to me and make sure I understood what they were gonna do."

Can you HEAR all those great non-verbals. As an attorney, these are things you can, and should, be doing too.

1. Set your agenda aside

2. Be present with the jury

3. Be patient — especially in your teaching section. Allow plenty of time to bring them along and make sure they get the info (cause they'll be using that info as you get into the story and as they listen to direct & cross)

4. Low breathing

5. Soft, inviting, warm expressions

6. Let the juror lead the way. Give some good, open ended follow up questions and then give them space while you just breathe well and stay present

Sure, yes, you ALSO need to know your stuff. But, that's not in question here is it? I mean, I know you're stressed about not being prepared enough, but truly...you KNOW your case. You're just uncomfortable with being nervous (which aren't inherently bad) and so you've errantly assigned it to "not being prepared."

So, you DO know your stuff and can speak with authority. But don't neglect the part where you help the jury FEEL — heard, honored for their contributions, valued as a member of the team, vital to the process. Don't just TELL them their important with you know...that standard lip service "We couldn't have the justice system without you. You're the most important people in the room" yada yada. Be HONEST, and help them to FEEL that you believe that.

And do your own assessments. Ask yourself: What makes someone charming, charismatic? what makes you trust someone in authority? what makes you rebel against them? LEARN from those answers and see what you can adopt for yourself, or maybe see what you need to set aside.

—BREAK—

Today, we're talking about something that, honestly, I wish I had learned 40 years ago. Had I learned this as a pre-teen, or even before that, I mean who knows what REALLY would have changed, but SOME THINGS would have 100% been different. I remember when I first learned about this, what we're going to discuss today, and just how utterly revolutionary it was to me.

Okay, so, enough with the secrecy. What is it, Kristi?

It's this: You do not have to believe every thought you have.

Ta-da!! That's it. You don't have to believe your own thoughts. Your brain might be lying to you.

Your brain makes up stuff all the time. Not because it’s broken. But because it’s doing its job — to keep you alive. It's not nearly as committed to accuracy. Now, I know that might sound dramatic—or even a little scary—but stick with me, because this is actually really empowering. Once you understand how your brain works, you can start choosing thoughts that serve you better. And that's where the CLEAR Framework comes in.

Section 1: The Brain’s Job Isn’t Accuracy—It’s Survival

Let’s start with this truth:

Your brain’s number one job is not accuracy. It’s survival.

And that means your brain is wired to be efficient, not necessarily truthful.

It takes shortcuts. It jumps to conclusions. It repeats patterns. It filters out what it doesn’t think is important—even when those things are important.

The brain says, “Hey, I’ve seen this before. I don’t need to reevaluate—I’ll just run the old script. Saves energy. Let’s move on.”

That’s great if you’re being chased by a bear. In a moment like that, you don’t want deep analysis. In a crisis—you want fast action. The brain is built for survival, not precision.

But in a courtroom? That same shortcut becomes a problem. Your brain pulls up old fears, assumptions, and stories, treating them like facts. It’s reacting to what feels familiar, not what’s actually true.

That’s why we need the CLEAR Framework—so we don’t let an outdated survival instinct run the show when what we really need is clarity.

Now, if you've been listening to the podcast, you'll know I'm a big fan of Jon Acuff. He's a NYTimes best selling author of 10 books and I've read a good chunk of them. In his book Soundtracks, which I'll link in the show notes, Jon talks about three ways the brain lies to us—and I think they’re super helpful to understand why we must be intentional with our thoughts.

Let’s start with memory. You’d think it would be the most trustworthy part of your brain—after all, it’s your lived experience, right?

Not so fast.

There’s a study by William Hirst on people’s memories of 9/11. He followed them for ten years and found that over time, people’s memories of that day—where they were, who they were with, what they felt—changed dramatically. In fact, on average, the consistency of those memories dropped by 60%. Sixty percent!

And these were major, emotional, culturally significant memories—not what you had for lunch last Tuesday.

So, if your brain can rewrite that, imagine what it’s doing with your daily life.

Second, your brain doesn’t always know the difference between real trauma and imagined trauma.

So even if there’s no bear chasing you—just the thought of a hostile witness or a fumbled closing—it reacts like there is. Racing heart, tight voice, scattered pacing? That’s your body treating imagined fear as real threat.

It’s not just thinking. It’s feeling. And unless you intervene, that fear can hijack your performance.

The third reason you shouldn't always believe your thoughts, is that the brain likes to believe what it already believes. This is called confirmation bias.

Once you believe something—about yourself, about your case, about jurors, about opposing counsel—your brain starts scanning the environment for evidence to prove it right.

So if you believe, “Jurors never listen when I talk about damages,” your brain will ignore all the jurors who appear to be listening and who are giving you engaging body language, nodding or making eye contact, and you'll zoom in on the one juror who just happened to yawn. You'll make up a story about it and your brain will say, “See? Told you so.”

The worst part? That belief shapes your delivery, which shapes the jurors' reaction—so it actually becomes true, not because it was, but because you believed it was.

Here’s where the CLEAR Framework comes in.

It gives you a way to interrupt these automatic stories and choose something different.

Let me break it down for you.

C = Circumstance

This is the neutral fact. Something everyone in the courtroom would agree on—like “I’m giving the opening statement today.”

L = Lens (aka Thought)

This is the story your brain tells you about that circumstance. “They’re not going to believe me.” “I always mess this part up.” “This is where I shine.” That’s your lens.

E = Emotion

The thought produces a feeling in your body. Tightness, calm, panic, power—whatever it is, it’s coming from the thought, not the circumstance.

A = Action

That emotion drives your behavior. Maybe you speak faster, avoid eye contact, get too animated, or go flat.

R = Result

Your actions create your results. And here’s the kicker—those results often reinforce the original thought, even if the thought wasn’t true to begin with.

The CLEAR Framework lets you catch the unhelpful, unintentional thoughts before they spiral, and replace them with intentional ones.

This isn't about pretending everything is fine or slapping on a toxic positivity sticker. It's not even really about manifesting. It's about getting clear. That’s the whole point of the framework—to clear out the clutter and choose a thought that will move you away from auto-pilot, and move you toward who we want to be.

So, no—you don’t have to believe every thought you think. In fact, you probably shouldn’t.

Your brain’s default mode is not truth. It’s not even growth. It’s safety. And if you want to grow, communicate, and lead at your highest level—you have to choose your thoughts on purpose.

That’s what the CLEAR Framework is here for.

So the next time you catch yourself spinning out, getting stuck, or reacting in ways that don’t line up with who you want to be—pause. Run it through the CLEAR Framework.

And if you want help, or want to see it put in practice, I've created a free guide for you. Go to https://www.fostervoicestudio.com/CLEAR. The word CLEAR is in all caps. I give you lots of examples of unintentional vs intentional thoughts and run them through the CLEAR Framework — examples from the different phases of trial, and examples from those pesky inner thoughts that have created doubt or limiting beliefs. And then I give you a couple pages of the Framework chart so you can practice writing in your own examples. https://www.fostervoicestudio.com/CLEAR Make sure CLEAR is in all caps.

Clear the clutter. Choose your thought. Change your lens.

And, keep fostering your voice. I'll see you next week.