Growth can feel messy. But there’s neuroscience behind why discomfort often means you’re actually on the right path.

When Change Feels Chaotic—It’s Not You. It’s the Brain.

You're a high performer. You’re growth‑oriented. You set high standards. You make bold moves.

So why does everything feel harder—sometimes way harder—right after you take a step forward?

1. Doubt creeps in just after you’ve committed.

2. Your body tenses after a presentation or trial.

3. You second‑guess decisions you made with clarity.

This paradox isn’t personal. It’s neurological. (And, it sucks! haha! But it is what it is.)

So, let me introduce you to two key principles, take from psychology, that reframed this discomfort for me, and might do the same for you:

1. Lagging indicators

2. Extinction bursts

Lagging Indicators: Discomfort That Looks “Late” 💭

A lagging indicator reflects what’s already happened—sometimes days ago. It's really common in business systems and health goals. Changes are already being made, but it takes a little while to see the result.

Even though it's a lagging indicator, our brains misinterpret them as signals about this moment. Here's what I mean:

For a weightloss goal, the scale shows that you've gained a few, so your brain says "It's because I had a carb-heavy meal last night." But the scale is a lagging indicator, meaning, it's reflecting something that happened several days ago, not the night before.

Here's a different, trial related, example:

You're working on slowing your speaking pace in court. You practice. You record yourself and evaluate. It's working. Focus groups seem to have an easier time learning from you. You're breathing better. Progress!

Then, one day in front of the jury, suddenly everything goes to crap—you're not breathing well, you're talking fast again, the jury looks like they're struggling to keep up.

This is when your brain chimes in and you hear your inner voice say: “I’ve failed. I'm not good speaking in court. I'm bad with jurors.”

But it’s not the case—it’s a lagging indicator. Your brain is still recalibrating from the new behavior. It's freaking out for a minute because it's trying to catch up with your new skills.

Like, why wasn't it paying attention during all the good times? Why wasn't it going along for the ride then?

We don't know exactly. But...it wasn't. Somehow it kinda zoned out while you were doing all the good growth, and now it's paying attention and saying "Wait, you want to do WHAT? Uh...[panic, panic, revert to old habits, panic some more]."

You now find yourself in a world of discomfort and tension. And it's really easy to give up and write off the new skills as a mistake. That discomfort isn’t a signal to stop though. It’s the cost of growth, not a verdict against it.

Extinction Bursts: When Old Patterns Fight Back

The other really fun thing (*sarcasm) happens just before a bad habit finally gets broken. It's called an extinction burst, and it's like the brain throws a massive tantrum.

Once the brain has committed to a behavior, it holds on with a death grip. As you slowly, gently, pry back it's fingers (metaphorically), you think you're making progress. Little by little, the behavior starts to release, small changes are happening, and then...

BAM!!

The brain rears up, starts screaming, flailing, locking it's grip again.

It senses danger—you're taking way the comfort of the behavior—and it's resisting in a big way.

It's flaring up. It's throwing a tantrum.

BUT...it's just about to go extinct. This is a last ditch effort on it's part.

That old habit resurges with a vengeance right before fading away.

🧭 What Growth Looks Like in Real Time

Change isn’t linear. Growth isn't an easy trek from point A to point B.

Here’s what it usually looks like:

Why This Matters for You as a Trial Attorney

Let's go back to our courtroom example where you're trying to slow down your pace, get comfortable with pausing, and getting your breath underneath you.

1. The first time you slow down, your voice may feel unnatural, like you're being dramatic.

2. The first time you use emotional nuance, your body may resist. You'll think you've gone too big and look silly.

3. The first time you prioritize presence over perfection, your brain might panic. It senses a shift in control.

BUT...If you know these are signals of growth, not failure, you're far less likely to retreat.

🛠️ What to Do When Resistance Hits

Pause and reflect:

1. Could this be a lagging indicator—the tension from a shift that's already underway?

2. Could this be an extinction burst—your old patterns trying to regain dominance?

3. If you feel the discomfort, can you choose to lean in anyway?

Because that discomfort might just be proof that you are changing.

Final Takeaway

Change doesn’t feel linear.

Discomfort doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means your nervous system is catching up.

And hey! Bonus: The more volatile the transition, the uglier the tantrum, often that's leading to a deeper breakthrough. Isn't that fun?! (Again with the sarcasm)

But truly...you’re NOT falling off course—you’re actually going forward.

If you're in that messy middle right now, take a breath.

You’re right on time. Keep going.